Oskar Brian entered this world on the 26th of January of 2015 at 10:14pm. But he entered MY world much earlier, in May of 2014, when I discovered a surprise growing inside me. I was perplexed and excited at the same time. We hadn’t planned a pregnancy for another year, but here I was, pregnant with my second child. The unexpectancy of it made it all better. It was truly a child of love, not planned, not calculated, not premeditated. From that moment on, I started looking so much forward to meeting the new person!
The day after delivery messages started popping on the screen of my phone faster than popcorn seeds in a microwave:
– Well wishes to the mother and the baby!
– Wow! Home birth?
– You are so brave!
But one stood out:
– Congratulations! I love to learn about all that is natural. It sounds like a wonderful way to enter the world for the baby. I believe that birth kind of sets the stage for the rest of our life. It might be that the universe guided you through Oskar. He might be the channel. ..He is definitely your teacher. So little time together, yet so much taught and learned already. Looks like you two are going to have an awesome journey. Enjoy every minute – it so precious.
And did I enjoy it!!!! Every minute of it in my belly, every minute of laboring for him and delivering, and every minute now, when he is in my arms, crying, sleeping, nursing, cringing from gas, cooing and smiling.
Was I brave? No. It was he who was brave to “tell” me to give him way to this world at home, to guide me to Jan and Jessica. And so happy I am that I listened to my baby:)
It all started happening 2 weeks before my due date. I began experiencing contractions in the morning, and they felt pretty strong and regular. I watched them for 2 hours and called Jan. She thought it was THE time since my breathing was sort of labored heard even over the phone, and she and Jessica arrived shortly after. It turned out I was 3 cm dilated, and Jan thought I would give birth that day. We waited and waited…and waited. Two hours passed, contractions did not get stronger or closer apart. All the excitement went down, and i felt so bad for making everybody believe I was in labor. Jan explained to me that sometimes this sort of thing happens and it may pick up by night time. Babies like to come to this world in the dim and quiet of it. I was still hoping that it would happen for me that late evening and waiting patiently for the sun to go down. I rested a lot, fed and pampered myself extra nicely the whole day. I was excited! I was so happy that it would be the day when i meet my little crumb. However, somewhere deep, deep inside I was thinking to myself that it was not the time yet, after all, the due date was not for another two weeks, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea for the bun to sit in the oven and get perfectly nice and ready. And sure enough, my intuition was right. Nothing happened that night, contractions completely subsided, and for some reason I had the most peaceful and restful night in the last month or so. The next day I went to work and continued my life routine as usual for another week. This time, not even having an inkling of an idea when the true thing will come.
But it came!! Of course, it came! It came a week later on Monday. I was at work doing my regular things when after lunch I felt one contraction after another, and this time they were somewhat different. I right away understood that it was the real thing as I was having goosebumps on my cheekbones (a sure sign for me for my pain tolerance threshold). The contractions were pretty strong and unpleasant, but I managed to finish the work day, came home, had supper and did some things around the house. I was hesitant to call Jan this time thinking, “what if it was not the right time again?” My husband convinced me (and why is it that so often it’s the husbands who know even better that the time has come:-)?) that I should call.
And so I did. Jan and Jessica were finishing another delivery at that time, and couldn’t come for another two hours. It relieved me in a way, because I saw it as an opportunity to delay things (silly goose! as if external circumstances could change my baby’s mind:-))
I don’t even remember what I was doing for those two hours. Probably, pacing around the house trying to get myself busy with trifles that didn’t even need my attention.
Jan and Jessica arrived two hours later, tired and hungry. And I jumped at another opportunity to delay things, I began playing a hostess (Jan’s words:-)) and cooked them a dinner. Mentally, I was very excited for myself thinking that I finally get to meet my bundle of joy but at the same time I was scared, and, probably, my mind truly dictated to my body to slow down. There was no progress in contractions. So, I decided to go on a little walk around the block. It was the most beautiful winter night. The usual Wisconsin wind had quieted down completely and the snow was falling straight, gently landing on the ground, the street light illuminating sparkles of single snowflakes. It felt so peaceful as though nature itself was helping me to find peace and quiet inside, whispering to me that I was ready. I returned home, and Jan suggested that she would check how thing were going and, if possible, help me to speed the process. I was 7 cm dilated, good enough for the labour, but not quite there yet to give birth. So, Jan helped me to dilate to 9 cm. No biggie!:) Just a cramp!:-) [Jan: I only offered this because Nastia was acting like she was not even in labor!]
JUST A CRAMP???!!! ONE CRAMP!!! Which immediately grew into another, and another, and another… This time contractions made me bend in half. So, it was time to get into the water. Oh, what a relief it was when I submerged into those wonderful magical waters! It really felt like magical at the time, the pain cut by half, although the relief didn’t last long. Contractions seemed to be getting stronger and stronger, or maybe it was just my mind playing a trick. I tried different positions, from sitting to standing on all fours, to squatting. Jan, Jessica and my husband were right there supporting and encouraging with nice words in their gentle voices. I wrapped my arms around Jan squeezing her so hard. I am surprised I didn’t sink my teeth into her shoulder. I caught myself on that desire and switched to my husband (he can stand it, he has done that before;-)). The time had stopped. Everything seemed like in a slow motion picture. “Can it move any slower?” – I thought to myself. How couId I even have strength for sarcasm in my head? The pain was UNBEARABLE!!! But just as I thought so and yelled out “take me to the hospital and cut me open!”, I heard and felt some “pop” and immediately my mood changed. I felt peaceful and pain free again. The water broke. Thank God for the break! I needed that! It gave me just enough rest before the true MAJOR work – the passage of a new human being!
The new burning pain seared through me. That was the urge to push.
One…almighty puuuush…ahh, relief…head… Half way done! Now shoulders to go…
One minute – no urge, two minutes- no urge…
“Sweety, you have to push, even if you don’t feel the urge. We have 4 minutes” – I hear Jan’s voice.
Here, the words wouldn’t be enough to describe my second push, I wish I could attach an audio file, but for the lack thereof, let me say that it was unhuman screeching, grunting roar (or so i heard myself:-)), in which I put all my effort and love.
One hour and fourteen minutes of work (which seemed like an eternity) on January 26, 2015 at 10:14pm a little boy was born! What a brave little wonder!! My wonder!